Day 11- Challenge day

Today started with a challenge that was set last night. I was humming and ahhing over my exercise plan so my friend sat me down and made me tell her my options which included rpm, run, pump or dvd depending on what I felt like. Now knowing I was terrified of pump and had quite an anxiety built up around the whole issue, she gave me a plan (jokingly) which was RPM, run then pump. Another reason this was suggested was that I saw my counsellor today, so had all of those issues also going around my head and if I didnt' train beforehand I wouldn't have trained and doing a big session also safeguarded me somewhat for any emotional eating that happened later. Being slightly crazy tired I said yes, then realised I would actually have to go through with the commitment. So promptly laid out my clothes set the alarm and went to bed.

Alarm went off and I seriously considered rolling back over and going back to sleep, I felt tired, drained and all over the place. But I took the first step and got out of bed, by which point I was freezing and wanted to dive back in, but instead I got dressed and left. Got to RPM set up and started warming up. I should have known something was wrong when only 6 people turned up to the class that normally has around 15 for that time of day. The instructor was terrible! she said only 'nice' and 'ride easy or racing' until track 6 then she realised we were all dying and slowly stopping then she started screaming at us. By far the worst rpm instructing I have had, but despite this I pushed through and burnt 400 cals for the class. The other incident was losing my gel seat, coming off the side of the saddle 1/2 way through track 4, instead of stopping to put it back on I pushed through without it and yes it felt weird and yes I did get some chaffing it wasn't to bad.

Walked out to car to dump my gear and dig out my ipod (probably a 5 min walking break) then headed off with my c25k podcasts going, the original plan was to do a 1/2 hr run section, but this finished and I was just over 2/3 of the way around the block I was working on so I put on another podcast and off I went. So in total I did 1 hr of c25k intervals for about another 400 cals.

Then it was back to the car grab my gear and wander back into the gym, I had a spare 40 mins until the pump class started, so instead of curling up in my car and falling asleep (I knew I wouldn't get going once i stopped) I went back in and did another 10 mins on the bike, 10 mins on xtrainer and a 5min stretch.

By the time I went back downstairs, toilet, got ticket for pump and set up it was time for pump to start. The pump instructor is one of my favs for RPM so i knew she would be awesome, the class being only 45mins meant we didnt' do the leg tracks and did all arms/back/chest and abs. I think I did pretty well considering everything I'd done before hand, i got caught out not having enough spare plates for the rotator cuff exercises and the ones I had were too heavy so I missed a couple of reps there but I know for next time. Yes thats right I will be going back again =).

Total for the day was 3hr 17min and 1284 cals.

Felt amazing when I left and the best part was I hadn't had time to stress over the appointment and when I got home my chiball prize was waiting for me from wk 12 of round 2 =D

Appointment today went pretty well, was much more relaxed compared to last time, I needed it because last time was full on, tough and gut wrenching, still spoke about a few minor issues, but mostly about the personal language I use about myself and other things like social taboos and attitudes. I'm starting to recognise my progress a lot more and appreciate I have worked extremely hard to get to where I am now, especially given where I've come from, some days are horrendous and never seem to end or improve and the steps feel like the tiniest shuffle ever, but it was good to sit back today and reflect a little more on what has happened and some of the bigger things i have done. I needed someone to tell me the extra things i've done that I gloss over as 'nothing much' eg planning a coffee date with a friend, or getting a haircut, or buying new clothes, or making routines to have a shower everyday etc. They seem like simple everyday tasks but in reality it wasn't that long ago where I was sitting in bed all day, not able to attend uni, not washing or cutting my hair for months, wore dirty clothes, just basically had no self respect. I dont like looking at myself that way anymore, I'm ashamed of those behaviours but I'm realising now that was what I needed to do to survive that period. Its been such a long road like I said that I'm glad I can finally have moments and sometimes days where I can appreciate that and thank the old me who chose to fight this path.

The other major piece of news for the day was my nan getting rushed to hospital (not the sick nan this is the healthy one) I got the call as I arrived at work experience, so I went in told the supervisor and it turned out only 1 client was doing a full session today, so I was able to leave straight away and head to the hospital. In the confusion by the time I got to the hospital (was over an hour drive fighting peak hour) she had been discharged about 10 mins earlier. I haven't spoken to her yet, but obviously everything is ok, I'll get in touch with her tomorrow because I was supposed to go shopping with her.

Well considering how late it now is and my rather draining day I'm heading for bed. Tomorrows plan is to have no plan (actually its not), I'm going to give myself a sleep in, if I naturally wake up in time and feel ok I'm going to try step, if not I'll get to balance (if I'm late for that I'll just do the core work as per Mish's program) and probably a walk/light job as well. Otherwise its cleaning the house ready for inspection (fun fun fun) and getting some gear ready for the weekend of hell (aka umpiring 7:30am-7pm Sat Sun and 7:30-3pm Monday)

Hope your all well
Mel =)

PS hope I haven't bored you yet, I love reading all your comments and well wishes, thank you so much for taking the time to write them, they really do help me through some tough moments

xx