My Moment, My Thoughts, My Journey, My Life

Round 3 12WBT

Honesty, accountability, openness and clarity.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Day 7- mixed bag

Hey guys
I know I promised a weekly recap of the highlights and needs to improve and I will do that, its just going to happen in the morning instead of tonight.

Today has been interesting in a not so fun way. I attempted my run this morning, managed to do about 1.5 maybe 2k without stopping which is an improvement, but the mind still wasn't settled into it. So I did a few intervals home, ended up being only 30 mins but better than nothing. The plan is to go back to some of the c25k podcasts for a week or so and see if that helps with my pacing, because I think thats the issue I'm having, because I can now go faster and my speed is increasing I'm overextending myself too hard too fast and paying for it further along.

So came home got my gear together and went to softball. Now I had to get there early to get the rest of my uniform sorted (uniform day was when I was in Sydney for party), now I went expecting to be a S-M in most things. Apparently in hoody I'm an XS (or smaller but they dont make it smaller), a kids size 14 in training top (I originally thought she said 14 as in an adult size but no its kid size). I also got some good news on my playing top , I need a new one because the old one is now like a massive bag on me, the lady reckons the company should be able to tailor it up for me at a much reduced cost to save me spending the whole amount to buy a new one! This is definitely a bonus I hadn't expected because otherwise its getting quite expensive to re buy everything new when I only got it last year (weightloss gets expensive fast =P although I'd much rather pay for it this way rather than a hospital bill).

2 hrs later over 1000 cals burnt, sun burnt and exhausted I got home. Was feeling pretty good at that stage but desperately needed food and a shower. I was planning on meeting with the SAers but it soon became apparent I wasnt feeling up for it, especially when I got out of the shower to find another message on my phone from my so called father pretty much telling me I needed to hurry up and lose the weight, that I was no good for anything and no wonder I couldn't lose the weight when I didnt' control anything at all and so on. That ended my mood and I almost ended up in tears again.

Instead I went to bed, and slept and dreamt and slept and woke up not very refreshed #nosurprise there. I did feel better for the snooze though. Went to the shops looked around a little, came home stretched out and chatted online until housemates got back, then took dogs to the park for over an hour and came home again.

Tonight I've been very very flat, very close to tears again and feeling like I need to box. I actually spent a good few minutes this afternoon pretending to punch things in my room and in the process accidently punched the labrador in the head when he came sniffing to see what I was doing (being a lab i didnt' hurt him at all and he jumped up wanting to play some more).

I've kinda chopped and changed from feeling ok with everything to feeling quite low and close to tears. I know I've been far from perfect food wise this weekend, but some parts have been much better than usual which is good (like Saturday morning) some parts have been unplanned for and unusual (like the movie night chocolate etc). However despite this my head is starting to change, I'm not so upset and angry at myself for the way I've eaten this weekend, because I know I'm changing it and I know what went wrong. I've sat down and planned my meals and exercise for the first few days of this week.

So I'm going to shut off for tonight and will check in tomorrow for the weekly overview and how my Monday went including my start on my homework (yuck) only one week left of holidays now.

Good nite


  1. awww hugs! i think its great you went for a run and kept at it even though you didnt really feel like it- then went to softball :)
    i hope you ignored and deleated the message from your father- you have done such an amazing job!
    i love that you did the boxing in your room- so proud! :)
    Hope you sleep well! Luv you! :)

  2. thanks hun
    yes i did delete it just wasnt what i needed when going into a strange situation as you know, which also didn't help with my emotions/anxiety around that as well.

    I totally channeled my inner combat warrior and thought of you =P