My Moment, My Thoughts, My Journey, My Life

Round 3 12WBT

Honesty, accountability, openness and clarity.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Another Sunday another 'run'

Hi me back again (anyone sick of reading about my rather mundane life yet?) Not that I really care, Im just keeping myself honest as I go about this round-well trying to anyway.

So I figure the best way to approach today's events is to do a general overview of the day. It started at the crazy time of 5.20am. Yes people thats right Mel was awake before 6am on a Sunday!!! (miracle). I had everything packed and ready to go last night, so pretty much got up ate my banana and off I went to drop my car off somewhere hopefully close to the finish and catch the tram into the city.

Thats all fine, driving out I could see where the final 2 water stations were because I drove down the last 4km of the course (before it was blocked) and saw the signs, they all had awesome messages on them like 'if they can do it i can to' 'i've come this far i'm not quitting now' 'the last stop is the finish line' 'look at what you've achieved the end isnt far off now' (these are roughly what they said I dont have the best photographic memory =P).

I got the tram arrived in the city nice and early all was good. Went for my walk, did a warm up, stretched, stripped the warm clothes, handed my bag in, got HRM working, and found my starting area. Prior to the run I had the goal of running the 12k between 1hr 10-1hr 20 which put me in the 70-100min start group. Thinking now I kinda realised that goal was probably a little (or a lot) unrealistic. I just wanted to beat my 10km time from Run Melbourne 2 months earlier which was 1hr 21:57.

Now I should add that a panic/anxiety attack whilst waiting at the start line which really didn't help my pre-race nerves. I should mention this was the first fun run I've ever raced by myself, which was also playing on my mind. So I was kinda set and then the 'gun' went off and the elite group was off. I say 'gun' cos there was no gun, at least no one heard it.

Next thing we all kinda surged forward and started jogging then hit another crowd block then took off again under the sign and off we went for real. Straight away my head was bad, I realised within the first 200m it was gonna be a tough race. Twisting my ankle on a road light reflector thing in the first 700m didn't help anything either. I pushed for the first km and probably went out a bit hard, I kinda got swept along with everyone else and the people around me should of been at the 50-60 min group so they set quite a pace. I think my first k was 5:44 which is equivalent to my best 1km time trial at start of round 2 and only 45 seconds slower to the 1km time trial I ran in Sydney last week.

I really wasnt feeling good and the wonderful head wind heading through Victoria Square reallly didn't help anything and that was about when it started drizzly rain. Not enough to get wet but enough to feel cold when combined with the strong head wind. I think I made 2.5 km before I stopped. My heart rate was at 187, I was close to puking, breathing gone, head gone, another panic attack on the way I had to stop. I'm not happy that I did, I'd originally set the goal of getting to 5k then reassessing. I then changed that to get to 2k and reassess and was going get to the tree, traffic lights, policeman etc. So in that regard I did push myself to run more than I thought I could. Soon as I stopped tho, that was it, head told me I was a failure, tears started, breathing gone, HR wouldn't come back down, I dont quite know how to explain what happened, except it was bad.

If I was with someone else I reckon I would of had a much better chance of pulling myself through and got going a lot easier than I did. I walked for a while and ran very short intervals with long walking periods for a while. Somehow made it to the 5k mark in about 36 mins which is right on my 5km PB (although I was walking most of this so my speed has obviously increased somewhere). I think I walked until the 8km mark then, which was about where I got shoved aside by the idiots running with the bed/stretcher thing I had moved right over to the side because I was walking I didn't want to get in way if I could help it, they came through and this guy just shoved me aside and I tripped on the kerbing close I was already pretty much walking on it anyway. That got me upset again.

I tried to run 1k to see if I could do it and work out what was stopping me, I'd messaged a friend when I first starting walking cos I felt terrible for stopping. She asked me to try for 1km for her and if I could do that to keep going. Well I made probably 600m and that was it. So I did very short running intervals inbetween much longer walks the whole way. The last 1km it started raining as I hit the sign, and I thought bugger it my head has 'won' this much but I'm not letting it get me completely so I ran, and ran and ran and my HR hit 200 (my max) but I ran (stumbled) across the line. By my watch it was 1hr 34min 57secs will check official race time on Tuesday, however I'm not confident on the timing system they use its outdated and has heaps of issues every year, but I might be surprised.

After my 'run' I grabbed my goodie bag found my real clothes bag after 10 mins of looking for the collection area and headed off to the car. Orginally at the 2km mark I was thinking I didn't deserve to go to softball woudl be better off going home to cry myself to sleep etc. However once I finished I was in such a bad mood with myself I changed it and realised going to softball would cheer me up. So I walked the 30 mins to my car and lead footed it to softball (no I never speed). I should mention I'd previously told my coach I woudln't be coming today but that was when I though the race was starting later than it did, so I had extra time after. She promptly replied that I was nuts and I shouldnt train for fear of burning me out. My reply was I am nuts but I want to train I've got the training bug and I'll see how it goes if I get there I get there. She then told me I made her smile she still thought I was nuts and she was happy to maybe see me today.

So when I arrived only 20mins late I missed the main warm up (already warm =P) a few faces dropped a few started laughing and a few people I hadn't seen for 6 months and I was wearing my running gear (which is much tighter fitting than what I normally wear to training). Batting practice was good until I did an awesome hit which left my follow through smacking into my hrm watch piece (normally cant wear any watch/bangle) but i forgot, so my wrist is now turning nice and purple and is quite tender, but I've had worse. Otherwise had a great training was great to catch up with the girls again after a week away and got some really positive comments. I was also quite excited by getting to catch part of batting practice, I have caught for the best part of 4 years so it was so great to get back in there again, although I do have to say the gear was way to big for my legs =P.

Training finished talked for a while then headed home, toilet, shower, food, sleep in that order was the name of the afternoon. I do feel a lot calmer for the sleep and I have discovered a few reasons why I didn't go as planned today.

1. I really didn't train for this event, I did the whole ok I survived City to Surf on not a lot of training, so I'll be fine with City-Bay. Big mistake especially considering I didn't even do 1 long run outside in between events (slack).
2. City-Bay course is flat/downhill so therefore it will be easier than City-Surf. Again big mistake, just cos the course is perceivabley easier doesn't mean its actually easier and depending on conditions/day/mood etc
3. Running a race isnt the generalised treatment for panic attack
4. I'm proud I didn't let my head stop me from finishing, even if at one point the one reason I was going forward and not dropping out was to get to my car at the other end.
5. Setting a goal is just that a goal, I got myself confused because I was trying to go too hard and push to see how well I could meet new goals when I hadn't prepared or planned originally to do that.

So I'm sure I'll think of other reasons/excuses later on but they the main points off the top of my head for now. My next race will be the Race4Life on October 17 running with Leonie (i hope). I'm now scared of a repeat of today though so Im not as sure as I was to do the 10k option. I think this time will be better though because I've committed to doing the training for the round and that has been the biggest area I struggle with is consistency in training. So what the hell I'll sign up to do the 10 and see what happens. You never know a PB might be calling.

I'll be back on later to post some other thoughts/reasons/excuses I've come up with over the last few days. But for now I'm off to think about dinner, watch the 12wbt vid, plan a holiday and relax.

Luv Mel


  1. Well done Mel... regardless of how you got there you arrived! Don't get too caught up in the journey and enjoy the end result. You pushed through a lot today, and you should be proud of that fact.
    You have learnt from some of your mistakes (ie not training!) and you didn't let your head tell you to stop.
    Mel, you are a winner in my eyes!

  2. Well done for finishing. :) 90% of difficulties come from mindgames, so you're already on the right track just realising and reflecting on why your race didn't go to plan. Kudos to you for going out and doing it on your own! That's a massive achievement in itself! :D

  3. Wow - PB at the 5km mark - even though you hurt your ankle. That is fantastic - well done :)

  4. Thanks Jess was so frustrated at myself on twitter earlier but I knew would feel differently once I had time to reflect =D Im gonna get to that 5k goal as well, you watch =P

    I have no idea how i actually did the PB and it wouldnt have been by much since I walked a large part of that first 5 but I did anyway, cant wait to get to 5k under 30 that will be a great day =)

    hope your both well and ready to rock this round.