I just tried to do the fitness test. Complete fail. Last round did time trial in 5:40 at the end, and 04:59 in Sydney at party, today it took right on 6:00 mins. Head now telling me I'm a failure that this proves I'm not worth it, could barely walk back to the house, made it in my door and burst into tears. Theres no point if I cant even run 1km (btw I talked myself into stopping tonight and walking part of it because it was uncomfortable).
I'm so F&)^(*%^* pissed at myself right now. I can run 1km I've run 10 of the damned things. I've even ran and walked the City2Surf. I've just lost the running bug at the moment. I know running is a mental game and I know all the tricks to change my mind, but right now It seems nothing is freaking working. The frustrating thing is I should be able to do this. I've committed to doing it properly all of it and that includes the fitness tests and challenges and everything else. Yet I still act so stupidly.
So that was the run, next is pushups and after that run etc I had to push myself to do it. And well that ended any half good thoughts I had. last round got to 50 today 34......... again #fail says the head. Wall sit I haven't even attempted cos I know it wont be good and abs we wont speak about.
All in all feeling rather like a unworthy, broken down horrible failure of a person. However in hindsight and now i've calmed down a little. I'm going to go and spend a night in front of the tv, without eating crap, then try the test again on Friday when I havent been up all day and already done a morning class.
I'm not going to enter the results in yet, because I want to see if i can do better if I'm just having an off day, which is quite possible given TTOM etc (which is why I'm so emotional over a stupid fitness test).
Ok now i've got that out of my system i'm going to go have dinner and have a chill out night before RPM and toning dvd in the morning.