My Moment, My Thoughts, My Journey, My Life

Round 3 12WBT

Honesty, accountability, openness and clarity.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Day 2- Bad start, worse finish

3am- housemate woke me up on her way to the bathroom, with a vomitting bug
7am- she still vomitting hardly stopped for 4 hours, I rang helpline they said go to hospital
730am- driving her to hospital waitting to see doc
9.30am- doc give her anti-puke injection we head home

Only issue, my step class was supposed to be at 930am. So there went my try a step class day. Instead I hastily rearranged timetable to do rpm tonight instead.

Thats all fine, except then freaking TTOM started so I was in a great mood for most of the day NOT.

 By lunchtime I'd had enough, in my head I wasn't worthy of going to see the guy at AIF, I wasnt fit enough to walk in their door, I was still overweight, they would see that and tell me straight off no. So I argued with myself for a good while and then drove into the city to try and find a park, couldn't find one so ended up heading out towards my old suburb, and went window shopping for a while. Finally realised it was time to head back into city and I pulled out a JFDI card to go to the appointment.

Now the guy was really nice and I know its what I want to do and all that, its just the cost factor. They are darned expensive. So that got me questioning it. I need to find a part time job even if only for over xmas to get some form of income coming in. I applied for another few positions today, but noone is getting back to me and I've even rung to leave enquiries- apparently no one wants me =(

Tonight I again pulled a JFDI card and went to RPM even though I didn't want to. I got there on time for once =) and got everything set up to find the instructor tell us she'd made a mix of her favourite toughest tracks to play tonight. which effectively meant we had no official recovery tracks. OMG it was crazy. I was dead by the start of track 3. One thing I have realised the past two days is I find it a lot easier to keep my pace up when I've got my eyes closed, I dont know why that is,perhaps cos of my meditation stuff it helps me to centre and focus or whatever but it really works for me so I'm going to keep doing it when I need to.

calorie wise rpm im now struggling to burn 400cals a class, I think its because I struggle to push through my legs on the tougher seated climbs, and then I lose pace because my legs need to recover not necessairly my heart rate. But I figure that can only improve with the more classes I do.

And then tonight. Lets just say housemates both recovered and wanted to go for drink/food somewhere, turns out they planned it behind my back and I was forcibly put into the car (like he actually lifted me into the car) and taken to the local 24hr bakery cafe. Thats fine I was all set to have water and next thing the waiter arrives with burgers, chips and milkshake. I hadn't ordered this yet someone obviously thought I was hungry. and then because it was in front of me I started eating. I got through about 1/2 of it before I realised what I was doing and stopped, but I felt so sick after. Was horrible and I'm quite angry at their blatant sabotage of me, plus angry at myself for allowing it to happen and not saying no. I will say the damage was kinda limited due to my lack of snacking yesterday and having soup with no added toast etc so I was quite hopeful although annoyed at getting on the scales this morning.

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