My Moment, My Thoughts, My Journey, My Life

Round 3 12WBT

Honesty, accountability, openness and clarity.

Friday, September 17, 2010

PS Task 4,5, Gearing up, putting it out there and Kitchen

PS task 4-gearing up.I think I'm pretty much set for this task. I've got the gym membership-I do need to find the timetable which I've lost =P. I've realised a few things about how I'm kinda scared of the gym depending on my mood. So I've gone and got TTT for strength days, and I'm going back on Monday to get a cardio DVD. Running wise I'm currently looking at 5km training plans and I think at this stage I'm going to be following one by Hal Higdon because it looks the easiest to understand that I've found.

Also on my list to buy next week is new training shoes (my old ones are fine for a good while longer but I'm getting new ones whilst I can).

Now committment. Well that meant something different. This is what I came up with.

My commitment is to run 5km in under 30mins, to fit the Esprit shorts hanging on my wall, lose 10kgs and reach a healthy weight.I am committed to do every single training session on the schedule to follow the nutrition plan, run all the sprints and hills. I will be accountable, responsible and live my truth. I will learn to love myself & move past the crap, I will show myself I am worth more and I deserve more.

This time writing that actually meant I had to mean it. I know that sounds ridiculous, but rounds 1 and 2 I've hidden behind the assault and really used it as an excuse. I've always been like oh its all right for so and so because I've had it harder than they have and I'm allowed to because I've had this happen to me and no one knows that. I dont even know where that train of thought has come from. I know its not right to compare like that or judge experiences and in every other case I never compare experiences with others because I know how damaging it can be to be have things minimised etc. However in saying that I was still telling myself in my head at least that I always had a fall back plan. And well now I dont. So yeah I think putting this all out there will help me learn to be more honest with myself than anything else. It was difficult to sit and realise its not a secret anymore, I cant take it back now even if I wanted to, not that I should have to either. 

Its gonna sound silly but I'm having so many little obvious moments here that I'm wondering why this didnt' happen in rounds 1 and 2, I know I wasnt as mentally prepared then and now I'm starting to look forward to this round, already I feel a lot more in control because the secrecy has been broken. 

I'm pleased to say that last night I had dinner and some yoghurt for dessert and went straight to bed, I didn't eat again after for the first time in who knows how long, even when I got annoyed at housemates and all that other stuff.

The Kitchen task is one of the more difficult ones for me to complete honestly and accuractely mainly because of the situation in my house. I went shopping last night to restock my essentials box and get a few things and housemate came with me, she watched as I got all my good stuff then came home with cinnamon scrolls and some other bread bun thing. And offered it to me not once but 5 separate times over the space of 2 hours. I said No and No and I'm fine thanks and I've just eaten and then on the last occasion I walked away. 

So now just got to Organise and Diarise and I'll be set for the round to kick off! 

Hope everyone is well, I also had another win this morning and stuck to my guns at work experience, didn't eat any crap was up early enough to get room tidy, bed made, breakfast made and shower done before leaving-this is actually a miracle for me on a Saturday. This achievement is even better considering my early morning boy didnt' show up so I suddenly had another hr where the only thing open at the shops was the food court =$ I saw so many people eating hot dogs and milkshakes at 830am it was ridiculous. 

Came home and have so far spent the day cooking and cleaning, I've made tuna and veggie lasange (was also going to do Nats lasange but realised after I got home I forgot the mince =$) and also got minestrone soup done and frozen. Otherwise my list now involves doing Task 7 and posting my measure up details (which I will do after I post this). Then tonight will be finishing my photo book now I have more tape and relaxing getting ready for a big day tomorrow. 

I'm running City-Bay (sure I've mentioned this =P)  but also decided I cant miss two softball trainings in a row (well technically I can but I dont want to) so I'm heading straight from the finish line to softball for a 2 hour fitness/skills session. I may not be able to move on Monday but thats ok. That also reminds me I need to investigate buying a foam roller from somewhere because I really want one to help stretch me out and I'm not quite up to seeing a massage therapist (work in progress).

Much love

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