My Moment, My Thoughts, My Journey, My Life

Round 3 12WBT

Honesty, accountability, openness and clarity.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day 16-Uni, softball and politics

Only quick update tonight, I'm really tired and drained. The house guest got back in at 2am last night, so the past two nights have been very late and that makes me not only tired but disrupts my whole sleeping pattern, which I really struggle to get back once its disrupted. This meant I missed my early morning rpm class which I wasn't happy about.

Uni went back today, lecture was pretty good, I then spent the next little while trying to find information about my next assignment. For some reason I thought we had an exam for this subject but I discovered quite late last night we actually have another written assignment, which sent me into a bit of a freak out. I'm going to talk to my friend tomorrow and work out whats going on.

Otherwise I got my new glove today, which is really nice, now I just need to break it in and get a pocket happening in it soon.

Softball training was a different story, the actual training went pretty good (apart from my batting I jarred my thumb again which I think may have flared my carpal tunnel issues but I've been icing it tonight and its feeling a little bit better, will sleep with my brace on and it should be ok tomorrow. Politically softball tonight was crap! The short version is the B grade team has extra players, they dont want, they want to send them down to C (my grade) but their coach has said they HAVE to play in their positions and HAVE to get full games. So we are expected to pay the same amount and have an unsettled team each week. I left feeling quite upset tonight, this is only my 2nd year with the club and I'm feeling quite vulnerable as my batting isnt the best, so kinda feeling like I'm fighting for my position, our coach has assured us no one is seen as 'weak' in the team but the mind games aren't helping.

In other news its Wednesday tomorrow, which means a few things. 1. weigh in. I'm entirely not confident of a positive result there, I've put the work in exercise wise but the diet side of things still needs improvement (and I'll admit to having a few peaks during the week and not seeing anything hopeful). I'm reaching a point where if I dont get below 60 soon I am really feeling the pressue to get under it. Mainly because I want to reach my goals and this 60 milestone has been hanging around like a bad smell for the past 7weeks (I've been within 2kgs or less for ages) and in my mind I"m starting to turn it into a mental block, that I cant' get past it, that I should be happy at this weight etc. Second important thing about tomorrow is I'm supposed to be attempting to run 5k.

I should be excited by this, but frankly I"m not. Right now my head is trying to talk me out of doing anything, the old theres no point nothing is working speech is on repeat and I'd be much happier to sit up and watch the Comm Games all night and not worry about getting up early or uni.

One a side note, I know where this little slump has come from, the other night I was talking with a friend and I had a big moment, where I realised some of the stuff that happened (with Dad) was worse than what my head was telling me it was. I know it sounds stupid but I had always refused to see what happened in that way, and I've been thinking of it constantly. I know I should ring Nona and tell her but I just cant right now. I need to call her and have her explain it to me though, ok explain is the wrong word, I need her to reassure me that it is what Im now thinking it is and that I didnt have anything to do with it. That call is incredibly difficult though so I'll keep thinking of it instead.

Better sign off and try and sleep,

hope you all have awesome weigh ins tomorrow and I'll keep you updated with my results


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