Right now i'm focused on the baby steps I need to do.
Todays included going to uni
posting ebay stuff
eating 3 ish meals
walking home from uni because I was scared to get on the tram (instead of having a meltdown waiting, I had the meltdown walking- a marginal improvement).
getting to rpm and completing the class
showering after class ( i know i'm going basic here)
attempting some homework
I also wrote a long confession type email to my counsellor tonight. Explained everything and sent it off. Even if she doesnt' read it before Thursday I know its there and then I wont be as likely to pretend everythings fine when I get into her office. Obviously the face to face stuff is so much more intense in this situation and I really strugle to tell private things out loud. Writing words is much easier and less painful in that regard. Face to face is hard because you also have to worry about how people perceive you and the big one is you cant control or distance yourself from there reactions. Whilst i am getting much better and more open with this with her in paticular along with a few super trusted friends, its incredibly hard with the new stuff that comes up.
and I also want to put out a huge thanks to Ange who was lovely tonight and sent me a large list of docs I can use for assignment research saving me about 5 hours of database trawling to find them. So fingers crossed I will have some data to present to the group for the meeting tomorrow morning =)
Otherwise tomorrow is going to be all about me, relaxing, kicking back, getting everything clean and organised and doing what I want, including gym, walking on the beach, cross stitch and maybe catching a random bus or train. Plus then softball training that night.
hope your all well
(a slightly more positive) Mel
PS this song came on the radio tonight when I got in the car, I'd never heard this version from Mariah but it really spoke to me... hope you like it as well