Today was the day for everything it seems.
I'll start from the start. Counselling was incredibly difficult to start with today, I knew it would be. It did occur to me to just not go but no I said I was going to go, I had to go, if I didn't the next session would be 20 times worse. I arrived and went in after sending a few frantic messages. Straight away she said she'd got my email which made me slightly more anxious but at the same time it meant I didn't have to worry about having to give her the print out. I did laugh at her first question, "how hard was it to make yourself come here?" She knows me much to well I think. Anyway she said all the right things, I said as much as I could (wasn't a lot) but it was enough. Pretty much all I needed was her to say I was doing the right things, I was confident I had done the best I could but always needed the reassurance and some other outside ideas.
I'm not going into other things that were said, except to say it was hard to look at it from the angles that we did, but I know i needed to re look at it from what I actually did, not what I've been telling myself I did. Need to remember that lesson even though its hard.
Anyway moving on from there I left feeling a whole lot better and lighter than I have in a good while. Came home and feel asleep (normal after counselling requirement for me), slept for a hour or so and woke up feeling so much better than I have for the past couple of weeks.
I'd just woken up when I got a phone call from a job that I applied for just before the Sydney trip, she wanted to interview me tomorrow before she goes on holidays again. So I've had to move some of my schedule around a little but I've got an interview which is the first step. Will let you know how I go.
Afterward I finally was feeling ok enough to give the much procrastinated longish run. Happy to report feeling better lead to a much better run. I did a 4 km loop and although I had to stop twice to stretch my tight calfs and tie a shoelace I still managed to smash my old PB for the distance. Old one was roughly 31 mins, today I did it in 26:17!! I stopped to walk for a bit, then kept going on a shorter loop. Total distance was around 7k in about 45mins. Felt sick by the end because I'd drank some water a bit to close to leaving home but all in all I'm pretty impressed.
Tonight I even managed to get a little homework done before getting distracted by the Comm Games netball final (what a game).
Very glad to say things are looking a lot better today than they have for a good while.
I'm sorry for the content of some of my previous posts, but it was stuff I had to get out and I've said all along this blog is me and my journey. One day soon I'll fill you in. Huge thank you to everyone for putting up with me lately I know I haven't been the easiest person to try and live/chat/talk to and I do sincerely appreciate all your efforts and hugs and well wishes it makes a huge difference knowing I'm not alone.